By Didre Anthony, as told to Rachel Reef Ellis
My husband and I always wanted to have three children. I was the oldest of four children and loved a large family. My husband was the only child of his parents, but he had half-siblings who were 18 and 20 years old. Their age difference played a big role in the desire for their own three offspring, who play each other for each other.
We also knew that we wanted to revisit our three-child plan after each child came along. My mother stayed at home to take care of me and my brothers, but I was going to be a working mother, so I needed to make sure that I could manage that work-life balance.
Build our family of five
When our eldest daughter, Melody, was born, we smiled. That was an easy, Who convinced us to do all this again very quickly. I found Melody was 14 months old when she was with Daphne. But the transition to two children was more of a struggle than I expected. Daphne had colic and I had a C-section infection. This was not the glamorous, adorable time I imagined.
After about 6 months, we finally settled on a small sweet spot. I found my groove as a mother of two, in part becauseRelaxed, and also because everyone was sleeping better.
Originally, we wanted all our children to be 2 years apart so that we could pass throughAll stages at once, all gear, sleepless nights, and then move on to the next stage. But of course, you cannot always plan these things. At first, I was devastated when that vacancy did not work. But now, I think we have , Julian, was a blessing 4 years after Daphne. I never needed The monitor, because any time Julian made the same grunt, Daphne would fly and say, “Mummy, baby is awake!” The age gap allowed her to actually take ownership for her role as an older sister.
And I had built-in help! The girls were much younger than the midwife, but they were very helpful. He learned responsibility. Of course, there were times when we would deal with their fear that I loved the child the most, but it gave me the opportunity to say, “Hey squirt, I love you, your sister, And Your brother, all three. The child needs different things right now, just as you did when you were a child. “
Multi Kid Learning Curve
This may sound amazing, but to me it’s the hardestThe infection was not adding a third. It was going from one child to two. With his first, it is about that one little person. Everything is a big milestone. So when someone else comes along, you feel conflicted: will I be able to take my time and love between two children? How do I give my second child the same experience as the first one? There are many new concerns.
Once your third one comes, you know you have more than enoughto go around. You also seem more experienced as a parent and do not consider yourself the other. Your past experiences have led to flexibility in your upbringing. you survived Once, for example, you will revive it.
Now as far as going down, it is out the window. Once a parent is out, life is definitely a juggling act, whether you are a single parent or a partner. That’s why I practiced wearing the baby with my son – I run out of hands! Finding a babysitter also becomes difficult – and more expensive. It is one thing to ask a grandmother to see a child; Three is a completely different story. You need more room in your house and your car. Doing logistic workouts as a family of five is not always easy.
In the end, however, for me, the pros of the three children outpaced the opposition. My heart fills constantly. I loved seeing my children interacting with each other. It is a pleasure to watch them grow and change. And when you have three, you discard those milestones over and over again.
Daily life with three
My husband is a farmer, and I am a school counselor. Until a year ago, we were not living on the farm, so he was gone every day for a long time. Typically, I would be a single parent through most of the farm season, which is late April.
Since we have gone to the farm, things have been easy. I have to work only after 7, so I get up every morning between 5 and 5:30 and do a few things before waking up the kids. I try to do at least one load of laundry every single day. With three children and a peasant husband, we spend a lot of time outside, so it seems that laundry is always up to my eyes!
Now that girls are 7 and 9 years old, they can help with the work, so it’s not just me. One thing I have come to know is that with two working parents, weekends can be filled with the task of catching up quickly rather than joking, and getting frustrated really quickly. So I set a cutoff time for household tasks. We also have family time, such as Friday Night Movie Nights, which my kids really want to see next.
My husband and I make a good parenting team. We are both very easygoing, relaxed people who go with the flow. Usually, if I am tense, it is calm, and vice versa. We work together.
Being on the same page as to how you make things a lot easier, because it can be really stressful. There is always something going on there. Someone always shouts, either for a good reason or a bad reason. And if only one partner is carrying the bulk of the load, it can easily play into the demise of a relationship.
At the beginning of our parents’ lives, my husband and I came up with an “Intimacy Agreement”. We reserve two specific nights a week as our time together. Also, he wakes up on Saturday morning and gives me time to compose myself or browse the store or do whatever I want. It seemed really silly that this is the first time making a contract, but knowing that the time taken intentionally is a life partner, both of usand our .
How are we raising our kids
We are a multinational, multicultural family. My husband was born in the South and lived his entire life. I was raised by Jamaican parents in Sumer, SC. Our kids loved that cute chickenMy youth and some good Southern Macaroni and Corbreds too.
I grew up in a military base, where most of the parents were ready to discipline by saying, “What’s the problem?” Fix it, ”and he was. but myThe background has given me a different kind of learning. I try to explain my issues to my children and teach them problem-solving language. Instead of feeling frustrated with them, I can say, “Okay, dig into your toolbox.” What have you learned that can help fix it? “
I always want my children to feel comfortable talking to me, even if they are wrong. I want them to know that I hear and know them. For example, my oldest is very inspired. So I remind him that it’s okay to make mistakes, but it’s hard to bounce back when you’re not honest. My middle daughter is usually quite open and transparent, but she is stubborn as the days are long. So if there is something I want him to do, I first praise him. I say, “I think this food will be much better if you help me in the kitchen.” And his eyesight goes away.
Knowing how your children learn and also how they want to give and receive love is very important. Not only does it help you parents, it helps you build a better relationship, which is the ultimate goal at the end of the day.